30 Minutes
by LawlessRuthlessHeartless
Summary: Saya has only thirty minutes to figure out which she will choose between- life, or death.
1. Blurred Vision & Blood

**Hey there! Well, here's another SxH fic- and probably a really strange one, at that. Very 'special' like me. xD  
****Alrighty, before you plunge headfirst into my confusing fanfic (currently my favorite SxH one :D), there's a few things you need to know:**

**- Haji is dead. Yeah, I think that sucks too. Please don't tell me: "But hes aliev! Liek, OMG, what iz wrong wit u?" I know that, this  
is just a slightly AU fic. ^W^**

**- Nathan has bred an army of chiroptereans, and this fanfic takes place in the very middle of the uprising battle. **

**- Saya has been awake for 2 years. Sorry if there's any plotholes in here, I really tried to keep them all out (please point them out if you  
spot them :) )**

**- This is all set after Saya wakes (well, two years afterward, psh) from her 30-year sleep for the the first time after episode 50. **

**Well, all I can say now is that I hope you enjoy it! Please review, its so appreciated! ^W^**

* * *

CHAPTER ONE

Saya saw the crimson blood fly before her eyes before she felt the hole in her chest.

"Oh!"

She whispered, and Nathan's grotesque face took the form of a monster's smile as he twisted his spearlike arm arm in a twitched movement. She didn't know if it was her that screamed, or just another girl being horribly murdered, but a bloodcurdling scream tore through the air as the pain hit her like an oncoming bus.

Where was everyone? Were they dead? She couldn't tell, she couldn't see; her vision was blurred at the edges and she could no longer _see_ much of anything. The world was beginning to tint red, and all she could see now was a chiropterean Nathan, revelling in her agony as shadows seemed to burst like fireworks at the edge of her sight. A tear ran down her cheek, and melded with the blood strewn across her face as things grew less and less real to her mind, the world seeming to have a dreamlike consistency.

Gradually, the agonizing pain dulled to an ache, and the rest of her senses lost all distinction. She may as well have been at home in bed daydreaming, for all her surroundings were to her now. She could no longer tell the difference between this hell and the safety of home. Saya blinked another tear out of her glassy brown eyes, staring defeatedly at Nathan before she finally lost what was left of her conciousness and her head fell limply against her pierced chest. But Saya was no longer there.

Nathan brought his face closer to examine her state: she was barely breathing, half-alive. He smiled wider, displaying viciously curved canines, and let out a roar of victory, answered by his mules throughout the battlefield- he could tell they were enjoying the bloodfest, their lust to kill being satisfied beyond any dreams their miniscule minds had ever been capable of imagining. Nathan was never _satisfied_, just... pacified, if you will. Never quite done the job; always wanting to stop one more heart. He never wanted to stop killing, he just liked to wait a little longer and see if he could cause the victim any more pain, just a _bit_ more. That made his temporary refrain from murdering a little sweeter.

Seeing the ghost of the pain he'd inflicted echo in their lifeless eyes as they fell to the ground was what he lived for. And, as usual, Nathan decided to wait, to see whether she would live or not. He wrenched his arm from her chest, and she fell to the ground like a crimson rag doll. She was now drenched in not only the bood of chiroptereans she'd killed, but also in her own, still flowing freely out of the open wounds. Nathan blinked, and sat down to wait for her to catch up.

Slumped on the ground at the bottom of a wall of jagged rock, Saya Otanashi was in limbo between life and death and at the mercy of an ancient chiropterean. Nathan smiled again, and shifted his postion to better observe the red queen as she laid at his feet, utterly helpless.

* * *

White... everything was so bleached white. It was blinding, and Saya found she had to close her eyes again and retreat to the cool blackness beneath her eyelids. The floor was hard, smoothe as glass, and there seemed to be no temperature to the atmosphere. She tried to remember what had just happened, frowning slightly as she tested her limbs, stretching a little. Such a quiet, peaceful place had suddenly wiped away her most recent thoughts, but in the back of her mind, a part of her still remembered the battle. Something that also screamed at her not to try and bring it to mind, to shove it away.

But it tempted her natural curiosity, and after a few moments of thinking that seemed to take more effort than usual, she got her wish, and Nathan's face seemed to flash before her closed eyes. She nearly screamed but gasped instead, her eyes opening wide as she clapped a closed fist to her chest and curled up to protect herself like a wounded animal. The white hit her eyes in full force again, and she blinked multiple times, trying to recapture her normally clear vision.

However, even after her eyes felt normal again, the area that surrounded her remained nothing more than a vast, endless white space. She did and did not want to cry out; Yes, she wanted help. She wanted comfort and safety. But what could be out here, in this nonsensical, seemingly endless void of snowy white? She blinked, and her breath caught in her throat due to shock. Apparently, her eyes had only _felt_ normal, because she could see a figure drawing closer. She could define it only as a blur of colors.

Saya began to crawl away, untrusting of this unfarmiliar place. The thoughts of what it might be were nothing short of terrifying, and the options were endless. _Torture_.

"Stay _away_ from me!"

She cried brokenly, crawling away from the vague shadow in a sideways position and kicking out her legs to gain more distance. Her voice was on the verge of cracking up, her eyes watering and blurring her vision even more. The shape grew even closer, perhaps near enough even to reach out and touch her leg. As it drew nearer, she came closer to tears, fearful of this place: what if she was in a lab somewhere, under the influence of medication that was affecting her vision?

A test subject, locked away from the rest of the world. Kept like a caged animal, to be abused and tested relentlessly- and to eventually die without the knowlege of those she loved, to be thrown in a pile of carcasses with no tombstone to mark where she lied. No supposed 'peace'. However, she'd be going to hell anyway: for killing so many innocents, wouldn't she?

But as the shadowy black figure bent swiftly to her side, she could make the distinction it was human, it's face now level with her own. A figure dressed in... black? Where was the white lab coat, the goggles and the mask? The heavy breathing and the syringe?

"You're safe here, Saya. No one will hurt you." She knew that voice. She knew who it was without even having to think twice. Her vision cleared slightly due to the tears she let fall, and a beloved face she knew so well was beside her for the first time in a very, very long time. 32 years, to be precise. "Haji!" She sobbed, throwing herself at him and pressing her face into the hallow between his neck his shoulder. "Oh, Haji..." Saya whispered, her words hard to speak owing to the large lump in her throat.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her whole body shaking. She felt his arms wrap around her as well, one of his hands reaching up to stroke her hair. It was as if he might have been alive. How could this be happening? She didn't want to think about it. It didn't matter if it was a horrendous, cruel dream; she just wanted to think about the fact that she could feel his presence, nothing else. This was bliss, no matter how fleeting.

"I've missed you, Saya." He whispered, hugging her just a bit tighter. She sniffed, leaning back to meet his eyes. The tears continued running down her face, and she smiled slightly, her happiness at seeing him again beyond words. She loved him, and she knew it. They both knew it. "I've missed you, too." She said, slowly bringing her face closer to his as the air seemed to grow warm. He brought his hand from the back of her head to her cheek, and it truly was just the two of them in the middle of nowhere (where was nowhere? If it existed... this truly was the perfect example). They closed their eyes slowly, only blinking at first, and their embrace tightened as it had the second time their lips met in that fateful schooolroom, his hair falling in her face.

When she pulled away, it wasn't far. Their noses were still brushing, and they explored each other's eyes. Another tear ran down Saya's cheek, although she no longer felt alone or broken. How could she, when something like this seemed to be happening? Haji's eyes smiled at her, but something was wrong. There was an element of sadness there, like he had to try to be happy. This wasn't as perfect as it seemed.

She loosened her arms around his neck and leaned back fully, still loosely gripping the back of his neck with both hands, weaving her fingers through his hair. She examined Haji's face and expression, her eyes skeptical.

"Something's wrong, Haji... tell me." She implored him, cocking her head to the side and temporarily forgetting the battle, along with the rest of her worries. It was all him right now- she only just had him back, after all. _He_, and he alone, had her attention right now. As long as he was unhappy, she could never truly be happy either.

"Nothing is _wrong_, Saya. We just... don't have very much time."

He said, most of the smile fading from his eyes and leaving only the ghost of his previous emotion. Confusion replaced skepticism on Saya's face, and she removed a hand from around his neck, gently placing a hand on his. "Time? Where are we, Haji?" He looked down at their hands, and wove his fingers through hers.

It was then that she realized the hand she held should have been that of a monsters, that of a chiroptereans. But it was human: identical to his other hand, still on her arm. The same slim fingers and pale skin tone... what was this place? Would it change her, too? Haji looked up and took his hand from her arm, taking her face firmly in his hand and turning her view from his other hand, still intertwined with hers. The one that should have been monsterlike.

"Saya, I'm deceased. I died 32 years ago, when a wall collapsed in on me. You saw it with your own eyes, and you're not where you should be. You're in limbo, Saya, and I'm here to help you make your decision." The confusion intensified on her features, and she spoke again.

"My _decision_?"

What could he possibly mean? Clearly Haji must have survived somehow, or she she wouldn't be talking to him, touching his hand. His eyes locked on hers, freezing them in place.

"Whether you choose to live or not."

He said solemnly, and the smaller hand tightened on the larger one in that endless white void. "You mean... I have to choose between staying with you, or going back to Kai and my nieces?" She said, varying tones of hysterical apprehension ringing in her voice. "You have to choose whether you will live or die, Saya. And in doing so, you must either leave your neices to fight Nathan and his allies alone, or help them... and if you do that, I'm afraid you won't see me again for a very long time." So this wonderful event did have a catch, something that would tear away at seeing him again. Why did everything have to be so complicated, so hard to figure out and decide?.. There was only one question left to ask.

"How much time do I have?" She said, her voice sounding braver than she felt. Haji leaned closer, wrapping her in a one-armed hug and leaving their entertwined hands on the floor. He put his mouth next to her ear before he whispered his answer.

"_30 minutes_."

And he squeezed her hand back.


	2. Involving Hands And Tears

**Well, here we are again. Back to my oh-so-amazing introductions. Well, I'm afraid there really isn't much more to say than I'm running out of ideas for the next chapter already & I hope you enjoy this one. Review please? ^W^**

For a moment, Saya relaxed further, comforted by his arm around her and hand on hers. But she tensed. Suddenly, doubt had crossed Saya's mind, and she leaned back, looking around like a cornered animal. It had struck her so suddenly that this could be a setup, something formulated by Nathan's monstrous imagination. How could he be Haji, if he was missing his chiropterean hand? She could be very much so alive, stuck in a surveillance room somewhere, Nathan enjoying the way she was so easy to upset. So easy to fool... so easy to torture...

"No... This is a cruel joke. This _must_ be a cruel joke. You're not my Haji,"

She pulled further away from him, wrenching her hand from his in disgust. Saya backed up even further as she stood up and continued, her deep, wide brown eyes scanning every inch of space for the outline of a door or a mirror on the wall. The only problem was, there _were no walls_. Nothing more than emptiness. Saya's sudden change of tempo caught him off gaurd, and, quite frankly, he found he didn't know what to tell her to convince her he wasn't there to hurt hurt her.

"you can't be. _He's dead_."

She said more softly, the tears returning for the third time. They retraced the salt tracks on her face, and it killed Haji more than she knew. "And his hand-" She pointed to the one she had left lying on the floor, alone. "-his entire arm was a chiroptereans! You're human!" She said, her voice growing steadily louder.

"Saya, please, you must listen to me before it's too late and there is no choice left in the matter-" She never knew what he was going to say as he finished his sentence, because she cut him off angrily.

"-No! There is no 'choice', there is no 'matter'! This is Nathan's idea of amusement, and he's watching me right now, isn't he? Aren't you?"

She yelled to the empty air, unbelieving. Haji shook his head, getting to his feet again. He would never make her smile... he always seemed to provoke tears in her: the very last thing he ever wanted to do. As he stood and began walking closer, Saya found she no longer wanted to retreat from him. She thought he was a stranger, a lookalike; and she wanted to destroy him for daring to imitate her precious chevalier. To her, he was currently nothing more than some sick bastard who got a kick out of playing along with mind games. Haji spoke, hopelessness in his eyes against his will.

"Saya, you have to trust me-" Saya lost it.

She slapped him with all the strength she could muster, her eyes going cold and hateful. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" She shouted at him, angered beyond any more words. She was determined on not letting Nathan get any further satisfaction of seeing her belive his little storyline, to submit to his 'expiriments' and let him play mind games with her. Perhaps she wouldn't understand in time, and really would die, whether she wanted to or not. This was Haji, she was in limbo, and Nathan was not watching her.

Nathan was still on earth, his spirit still in his body as he waited to see if her soulless shell would open its eyes and fight again. No one was truly watching her but Haji, who could hardly remember a feeling any more agonizing than the one he felt now. In fact, he was strongly reminded of an event where he'd lost his arm.

He could not meet her eyes as he brought his head back from the side slowly, and the red handprint on his cheek clearly definable. There was no way Saya could know the truth for sure, and no way Haji could tell her. She just had to believe, to see that this was something that could not be taken lightly or doubted. Haji finally brought himself to look at Saya, her tears still coming. Her brown eyes, those that often reminded him of a doe, held an impossible mixture of anger, sadness, and betrayal.

Saya was breathing hard, glaring at him as her blood practically boiled. She felt nothing, because to her this was not Haji. She only felt the agony hit her when she saw the look in Haji's eyes and heard his voice, nothing more than the ghost of a whisper.

"...If that is what you wish, my queen."

He said, turning away and walking slowly in the other direction. Saya bit her lip. Another tear fell, and another, following in quick succession. What more choice did she have? She couldn't just stand there, not any longer than she already had. Staring after him, she let out an audible sob, reaching towards his retreating back. She felt her fingers close around nothing more empty air... It was then that the point truly reached her.

No one would leave but Haji if she asked him. No one else understood that was how far he was willing to go to be, truly: her chevalier. Not a single being on the face of that damned earth she now knew she was no longer on. No actor, poser, no illusionist or hologram. Her and Haji alone shared that understanding, and she knew then it had to be Haji- whether he had his arm or not. Whether he was _alive_ or not.

"Haji... I- I didn't mean that!" He stopped, but did not turn around.

"Does that mean you still want me by your side, Saya?"

He said quietly, and he resembled a beautiful, cold statue that made her want to curl up in a corner and die. That really was Haji... and the amount of damage she had just done was indescribable... How could she have done that? He was the one thing she had always been able to rely on, something that was always there, always loyal- the thing she could fall always fall back on. Well, he _was_... until her _died_ protecting her. Her actions had been so wrong, on so, so many levels.

She choked the word out, the lump in her throat seeming twice its original size and making it hard to breathe properly. "Yes." He remained, however, motionless and cold as ever. Silent and stoic, he stood gazing towards the floor and she felt the coldness infect her feelings: a bitter, heart breaking, creeping frost that sent a chill down her spine.

Saya walked, slowly at first, before it formed a sprint in his direction and as she reached him, she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Unintentionally, she had placed her right hand on his heart. She closed her eyes shut in waiting, almost positive Haji would turn around and throw her off. It was doubtless he would keep walking. She waited. He was still silent, still unmovable.

"I can't live without you, Haji." She paused before she said her next words, feeling they simply would not do. How could two words repair anything at all?

"I'm sorry." A sigh, barely detetable, escaped his lips as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against hers, feeling some of the frostbite fade. As long as she still wanted to have him by her side, he would be happy with existence. Somehow, Saya couldn't see that. He wished he could make her smile, rather than be the reason she was crying.

"Saya, I accept your apology." He began, removing her arms from around him and turning to face her.

"You're frightened, you don't know what's happening right now. You don't know where you are... I don't even seem to be myself. You don't _need_ to apologize, Saya. But you do need to trust me. You have 23 minutes left to decide, to think. You should have years to think about something like this. But I'm afraid that if you gain the desire to go back to your body after the next 23 minutes... you simply can't."

She looked up at him, wishing his green eyes would portray happiness again. Suddenly, a question struck her, something that she'd always wondered. Something very important, something that her very sanity depended on.

"Haji, did you end up in Heaven, or Hell?" She asked, hoping for the straight answer she probably wouldn't get. He looked away towards the 'floor' (if solid white space that seemed to streatch on forever can be called a floor), and she instantly knew she wouldn't be getting the answer on a 'one or the other' basis.

"I'm forbidden to tell you that, Saya." He said, his face the typical mask that gave away nothing.

"But if you're here to help me make this 'decision' and you can't tell me anything, how are you supposed to help me?" He looked back up to see her head cocked to the side, and her eyes just seemed to speak on their own: '_that's unfair_'.

"Saya, if I wasn't here right now, you would simply lose yourself. You wouldn't know what to do, and could be trapped in this limbo forever- you would lose your sanity at an alarming rate. You wouldn't know you had a choice at all." Haji said, and the reality of that was nothing short of brutal.

Trapped in limbo forever, screaming for help and knowing no one would answer. Sprinting into the endless white space, looking for some form of escape and knowing there would be none to have. Not knowing anything, ever. That was truly terrifying, scarier than any horror movie concept she'd ever heard of. Saya shuddered.

"You're right... but what do I choose? _How _do I choose?" She knew he had already made that point: she just didn't know what she was going to say at the end of this half hour with such choices. "Your decision is up to you, Saya." He said, the left corner of his mouth lifting slightly as he brushed a strand of short black hair out of her face.

Saya found she couldn't smile back.


	3. Like The Fires Of Hell

**Are you actually interested enough to still be reading this? Haha, I think you gusy might find this chapter a bit... bland. It`s mostly a consideration chapter- she can`t say one or the other at the end when she hasn`t mulled it all over. Am I right, or am I rightÉ I`d like to have SOME reality involved in this fic. xD  
But I have a lot of tests going on and stuff to do, although I found I couldn't not submit something. :D  
More emotional stuff coming up in the next, not-so-boring chapter, though! ^W^**

They merely looked into each other's eyes for a minute, standing there. Saya's mind was now a total mess, a disaster. She was now so stumped as to whether she would go or stay, she found she could actually no longer think about it without getting brainfreeze. _Go, or stay? Leave, or come? Him, or them?_ It was, quite frankly- impossible. In fact, the thought she found death even a vaguely tempting option at all was nothing short of disturbing to her.

_No living thing ever **wants** to die_. But death involved Haji. That made it sound like sheer bliss. After all the lonely nights, the empty memories, the long, the long, angst-filled walks down empty streets, death sounded very inviting indeed. But then there were her nieces and Kai. That was what brought her back to the fact that death was_ not a good thing_. They were one of the only reasons she wanted to live at all. She hardly even knew her nieces... It was almost as though she didn't know her own children. That hit her particularly hard, whenever she chose to think about it. Sometimes there was no choice involved.

As for Kai, shed only been _physically_ living with him- her thoughts, worries, hopes, and even most of her fond memories were, for the most part, totally elsewhere. All over the place. Not all over the world like they'd hoped, but always somewhere else. It was simply painful to look at him, as she was reminded of their broken family. She had been living life as though she saw it through a sheet of glass, and at one point not much seemed very important anymore aside from family... that was, until Nathan surfaced. The bastard. Why put her nieces through all of the bloody battles? He knew it bothered Saya; she could sense it.

In a sick way, she was almost grateful for his plans to bring the chiropterean race back. It gave her a true _purpose_ once again, a little more meaning to her life. A _lot_ more meaning to her life. Her life hadn't been unpurposeful, bland, or even in any way negative because Kai and her precious nieces hadn't tried as hard as was humanly possible to make her smile again. And sometimes, she did: sometimes, she meant it. That was what she lived for. To smile. But life was so different because without certain aspects, certain people, and living became so much more...

unbearable.

They say it takes more courage to_ live _than it does to_ die_. They were right... well, when it came to her case at the very least. If she _did_ choose to live, and she _did_ defeat Nathan, what if the twins died in the process? What if there was no one left to finish her off when she wanted to leave that godforsaken place... what if there was nothing left for her but a planet that was so empty in her eyes? Death would be almost reassuring, comforting, knowing that would never happen. Death was safety from eternity.

But if she chose death, what if the twins failed against Nathan without her? He would doubtlessly destroy civilization, along with any forms of it that materialized afterwards. How could she exist with the death of an entire planet's population on her concious? At least if she lived and finally died again in that horrible war, she would have some comfort: she would have tried. But turning her back on the matter and walking away was something else entirely, something unforgivable. And these were her choices?

_Impossible_. She came back to reality to find herself tense, Haji still watching her closely. She reached out suddenly and made to place her hand on his cheek for the sake of staying away from a nervous breakdown; however, he gently intercepted her hand. The hands merely stayed locked together in midair, his fingers wrapped loosely around her wrist. Haji's expression was more wary than usual... something was wrong. He opened his mouth slightly to speak: however, he never got the chance.

The whole atmosphere began to shake as though with rage, setting Saya off balance and hurtling towards the ground in seconds. Haji swerved downwards to catch her, his eyes scanning the area for something. "What... what is that?" Saya said fearfully, her own eyes doing their fair share of searching for a monster she expected to come out of nowhere. Haji straightened up, and Saya stayed close as he spoke again. However, the sentence did not seem meant for her- not for anyone, in fact.

"I was warned of this." He muttered darkly, and Saya wished he would answer her question.

Little did she know, he hadn't answered because he hadn't encountered this unknown terror before either. He was always listening to her, the notion he would ever ignore her was ridiculous.

All he'd been told was: "_Beware the beast of lies, for it takes many forms. But do not fear it: it cannot harm the girl, so long as you both remain calm__. Pay no mind to what it says."_

Limbo almost never happened to anyone... and certainly not in Haji's lifetime. As it was, he knew nothing further and was told no more. The rumbling intensified and Saya cringed against him. He put an arm around her protectively as a wind picked up suddenly, adding quite terrifyingly to the effect of the rumbling, and threatened to blow Saya off her feet yet again as Haji continued to steady her.

He knew he couldn't harm anything or anyone here, it simply wouldn't work. In return, nothing could hurt you. While it was a blessing, it was just as much a curse. You were stripped down to your bare soul and nothing more in this... place. While being a chiropterean had been a part of him, it hadn't intoxicated his spirit. Saya covered her ears against the high pitched whistling as the air around them turned crimson and continued whirling viciously. Haji realized with wider eyes the gale surrounded only them as the scarlet poisioned the thrashing winds, and finally crouched down in order to remain grounded. It all happened in ten seconds. They had only five more to go.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1..._ Now_.

As soon as the crimson gale had begun, it stopped. They waited for 10 very long seconds, and nothing happened. Relieved to see this 'beast' was nothing more than a gale of wind, Haji was about to ask Saya if she was alright. However, he stopped to listen instead. The subtle clicking of a man's shoes was the only sound, growing closer.

Saya was the first to look up, and her blood steamed in her veins.

_Amshel_. Amshel Goldschmidt came closer with every step, a smug smile on his face and his hands behind his back. He stopped, a few feet from the pair who were still crouching against winds that no longer existed. "And so we meet again, Saya." He said, offering a hand to help her up. By this time, Haji was already on his feet and glaring at the man in the wine red suit, his hand still on Saya. No one had told him there would be _others_ here, affecting her... and this damned man, of all the possible bottomcrawlers there were in the whole of the universe. That _creature_ should never have existed.

Saya's eyes were full of hatred as she met the man's eyes. Not the cold hatred she had glared daggers with at Haji, thinking he was someone else- no, this contempt was burning like the fires in of hell in the pair of deep brown orbs. Flaming eyes that longed for blood to splay the cold white floor, to see heads roll... One in particular.

The girl's hatred was so strong she didn't even notice the onyx eyes like shining stones, the only sign the beast was not who it appeared to be. Oh yes, she was an angry one... the angry ones were so easy to manipulate. It had searched Saya's memories undetectably from the moment she had faded in on that floor, waiting to find the right one in the depths of her memories. To find inside them one person she hated so much she would be led away from all rational thought. In fact, it had found a few remembered people that would provoke emotions that, if she reacted, would be extremely diverting... it would save those for later.

If it could keep her here long enough, that gaurdian boy of hers would fade away over time, and he could have her for the rest of eternity. Only _18 more minutes_. He just had to keep her from making a decision... too bad there was nothing they could do to send the beast itself away.

Inwardly, it smiled.

* * *

**And now you see what I meant by bland. xD  
In case I'm too confusing (probably), I'll clarify a few things. Haji knew about the 'beast' but not very much at all except for the fact it exists. Its yet another reason he's worried about time. xD  
Amshel is not Amshel, he's this 'beast' I decided to throw in for a good little bit of interestingness/evil/doubt. The doubt will be explained later :D It searched Saya's memories for somone she hated so much she would actually have deciding shoved from her mind and waste her time trying to kill the person he portrays. Yes, it's got a pair of sexy onyx eyes :3  
I honestly had a bit of trouble writing the beast in, as it's not a boy or a girl (hence the apostraphe. I so cannot spell that word .).  
I almost put 'he' roughly five or six times because it's (almost put 'he' there just now xD) posing as Amshel. Sweet Jesus, I hate that guy. Luckily for the beast, Saya hates him too :D  
Well guys, tell me what you think? Please? (' ' Hugs anyway! **

**Keep reading!**


	4. When Memories Haunt

**Hello there. :3 How you guys doin'? I know it's taken me forever to get this up, but I actually have been working on it when I can. Hopefully you won't find this chapter dissapointing in any way. I don't think you will. ^W^  
Poor Saya, more torture coming up. xD Enjoy!**

"You... you... I'LL KILL YOU!" Saya screamed, her eyes brightening as she was in the air suddenly, practically flying towards the beast's portrayal of Amshel. She was beyond saying anything more; she would have a fair go at anyone who had helped Diva. Diva did nothing but ruin and destroy. And in turn, Saya destroyed anyone associated with her.

At this point, apparently whether they were dead or alive.

Amshel had ultimately contributed in amazing amount to the ruining of what little Saya had left of her once happy life. She was supposed to kill him, not Haji. _She_ was supposed to have been the one to die. Saya's eyes were wide, brimming with fury. However, when she landed, she found that she was back where she had been originally, five feet from a man she wanted to rip to shreds.

A paradox of sorts had occured. Haji knew instantly; it was the atmosphere preventing the violence that was about to ensue. Although it was unnessacary, Haji restrained Saya as she fought to break free and try to reach the beast again. He would not risk her becoming injured. The Amshel lookalike finally withdrew its hand, chuckling.

Piece of cake: They couldn't touch itself. Perfect. "And is that all you have to say, Saya? After all those years of war... that's all you can conjure? '_I'll kill you'_?.. You're pathetic." Haji refrained with difficulty from leaving Saya's side for a moment and pinning the worthless bastard to the floor with one hand. Although he knew he couldn't do it, it wouldn't have hurt to try.

Saya just had so many things to say to this man that she couldn't possibly begin to start. It would take a lifetime of brutal torture to make him comprehend in the slightest of how much damage he'd done, of how sorry he should be. But the cold black eyes portrayed no emotion, least of all remorse.

The beast was not Amshel, and was not about to repent for crimes that it had not committed. All it wanted was a little plaything, something to torture now and then. _Entertainment_, if you will. The girl suited the descriptions perfectly. Was that so horrible?.. 17 minutes.

Haji's desire to attack was still strong: however, he contented himself with a single sentence. "Leave her be." The beast smiled widely, suddenly a blur of color as it simply dissapeared in a movement his eye could barely catch. Haji looked warily about for the predator, tensed for the slightest movement. None came. "_I'm afraid I can't do that, boy_."It whispered in his ear as Haji spun around, a single black-clad arm outstretched to take the beast off its feet.

It seemed already gone.

Haji turned to Saya while he still had the chance, her eyes still burning with the embers of their fire. He was reminded of a feral animal, the way she glared about at the empty air for the unseen man.

"Saya, you must continue to think about your choice. You can afford no distractions!" Haji said, his hands on her shoulders.

He suspected the beast would not be long in returning. What he didn't suspect was that the beast was anything but Amshel.

They didn't even sense it's presence as it returned for the second time.

"_Don't listen to him, Saya. He's wrong. He tells you nothing but lies._" Came the whisper in Saya's ear, and her eyes widened as her head whipped around to catch a glimpse of the whisperer whose voice sounded as though it were Amshel. Nothing, again.

"_He's being selfish. He wants to drag you all the way to hell with him... where else did you ever think you would be when you died? Did you really believe there is a heaven for monsters? Misery loves company._" The dark, seductive voice hissed in her other ear. Haji had seen nothing of the man, though he heard the voice as though it were whispering in his own ear. "Saya, those are falsehoods. You must concentrate." He put bluntly, knowing now there really was nothing they could do. She just had to trust him.

Saya felt as though the shadowy whispers had crept into her ear and implanted themselves in her brain and the doubtful, dreadful thoughts kept coming. For one terrifying moment, she half-belived the voice that seemed Amshel's. Ignoring the feeling, she shut her eyes and covered her ears, trying to think about the question alone. There was no point in speculating about what she would answer. That was, as she had concluded before: impossible. It was only an attempt to keep out any thoughts that Haji might lie to her, trying to hold back a scream of anger and fear. The huge choice was a perfect distraction.

However... distractions do have their faults. She hid behind her closed eyelids, sinking to her knees in the emptiness around her. For a moment, she thought it was going to work. There were no thoughts of betrayal, of lies. For seven blissful seconds, Saya Otanashi thought she might be able to ignore the 'beast'.

But what happened next made her eyes open wide. Haji's eyes widened just a fraction- only if you had been watching him closely would you have been able to see the element of shock in his dark green orbs. The voice of the beast had changed.

"Saya..." The voice said weakly, as though he were barely alive. Amshel was gone.

"W- why did you lea- l- leave m- me, Saya? Why couldn't y- you sa- sa- save me? W- where w- w- were you?" The voice was crying. Saya couldn't open her eyes to the voice in front of her. His breaths needed to be taked between words, as though he could hardly breathe. His voice was like sandpaper, dry and raspy. She lasted only a few seconds: Saya's barriers came crashing down behind her closed eyes. _Riku_.

Saya opened her eyes and saw a frail figure standing only a short distance from where she knelt. A tear ran down her cheek as she searched for words, too shocked to do anything more than shake where she sat in the vast white emptiness. She reached out a hand towards him, her balance faltering as she began to make staggering movements toward the pale, sickly figure of her brother.

"Riku... Riku, I'm so sorry! Please, forgive me! _Please_! I tried, Riku!" Saya sobbed, and Haji was unsure of what to do. That was Riku, this was Saya, and he was nothing more than his queen's chevalier. He was not supposed to, nor was he _ever _meant to interfere. But his queen would not, _could_ not concentrate- her time was slipping away. Haji could feel each sand through the hourglass, concious throughout the whole of his being as he watched the young woman he loved struggle on through torture. Haji did not move.

"S- Saya... don't go w- w..." Saya was halfway towards standing, tears flowing freely again, when the beast fell. "No!" She cried, racing toward him. However, she found instantly it was like attempting to run in a nightmare. Her legs were slowed and heavy, almost numb to the point where she couldn't feel them, and she realized she wasn't moving. She was still beside Haji, the crumpled form of a young boy fifteen feet from them both, his back to them as he lay sprawled on the floor. Saya clawed desperately at the empty air in front of her, screams of frustration and sadness bursting forth from her throat.

She felt so tired, so empty- but she had to keep going. She had to help him!

The beast smirked, it's face hidden from the boy and the girl as sharply curved teeth were displayed, and a hideous grin that did not belong to Riku stretched literally from ear to ear. Things were going so perfectly. They had 11 minutes left, and if things went as smoothly for the beast as they were going at this point, the entire thing would be a cakewalk. Perhaps he would let her get close to the next memory. That was, if she wanted to.

Knowing the memeory... perhaps it would have to _try_ to get close next time. Taking care to look especially pained, the beast clawed it's way into a position facing them, warily keeping the boy's bangs over his eyes. They were unusually large... making it easier to see the coals that replaced Riku's once wide, honest eyes. "D-... don't go with H- Haji. I d- d- don't want y- you to l- l- l-live in hell, Saya!" Saya's eyes widened, Haji felt an innner frustration at this mistrust, and the beast performed flawlessly.

Pain, sadness, and concern were evident in the little boy's voice. Now it was time to give the girl more agony, before it made another memorie's entrance. It took in a rattling gasp for air, reaching outwards a single tiny hand for the girl before thumping lifelessly to the ground.

The girl's cries were silenced. Disappearing into the nothingness again, the imitated boy was gone.

The beast was not. It was revelling in the pure agony of the cry that was torn from the girl's throat, echoing in the silence. It was such a beautiful sound, almost unearthly. It ended as soon as it had started, and she fell, the boy catching her moments before she hit the ground. It stalked in a circle around them both, the girl still lying in the boy's arms as silent tears streamed down her pale, youthful face and she stared at the spot where the imitation of her brother had lain moments before.

Why had the boy, whom the beast had assumed her protector, not rushed to her earlier, before she saw the image of her younger brother die so short a distance from her caring hands? It was what the beast expected of any weak human.

It did not ponder further the boy's unusual actions.

It prepared it's next image.

A young man with tousled blonde hair, charming eyes, and handsome features. A prince chaming in every way. From what it could gather, this individual meant quite a bit to the raven haired girl he'd been torturing for the last so many minutes. This person had had strong feelings for feelings for her, an advantage.

Watching and waiting, the beast stood, patiently biding it's time.

**You like? :D I hope so! **


	5. Mother Dearest

"Haji... was that... really..?" Saya asked him, blinking tears out of her eyes as she turned her eyes from the floor to his face. He had to make a concious effort not to glace at where Saya had been staring. "I believe so."

He told her the truth- what he thought. How could he possibly know? Everything was total guesswork. For all he knew, Saya could be a figment of his imagination. Logic had lost its value.

"...Hello, Saya." That soft, smoothe, quiet voice. Saya gently removed Haji's arms from around her shoulders, rubbing the tear tracks off her face, and stood to find no one. Her eyes narrowed. "Show yourself." She said grimly, a dangerous tone in her voice. Now a mess of emotions, her strongest feeling was utter frustration.

She blinked, and found herself all too suddenly facing the man who had left his own queen for her. Saya's eyes widened. Solomon Goldschmidt was, indeed, very close to her. He took one step towards her. Their chests touched. Frustration melded into fear. He raised a hand and touched her cheek, smiling slightly. Saya found she couldn't see his eyes, hidden beneath shaggy curled bangs. "Do you regret choosing _him_, darling?" Saya's eyes, fearful and full of doubt just moments before, widened as she stepped away. They were full of suprised anger.

"What are you doing?" What was _she_ doing?

Why had she stood there and let him touch her that way for full seconds? Shaking her head, she tried to clear her mind._ The question. Think of the question. _

"I thought you loved me." Solomon's gentle, lulling tone had changed very quickly to one of quiet rage. Saya took another step back towards Haji. The words burst forth naturally from Saya's mouth before she really thought about what she was saying. "I... I love Haji!" She said, not daring to glance backwards as she felt her face flush. "No you don't, Saya. He just makes you doubt your _true feelings_. Admit it. If it weren't for him, you would have accepted me happily." Solomon looked at Haji, speaking more to both of them rather than just Saya this time. "You know it, don't you?" Haji stood, and Saya could feel the lump in her throat growing once again. He was wrong. He had to be wrong. _We never would have... even in different cirumstances... never... wrong..._

"Stop saying things like that! You're wrong!" Saya cried, trying to make eye contact. Why couldn't he just show her his eyes?.. Why was it even important? "I think we all know who's wrong, don't we?" Solomon said. He slowl mouthed the words 'you'. He took the steps nessacary to close in on Saya again. Instead of backing away, Saya straightened up. When he saw this sign of defiance, Haji attempted to stop her, making to take a step towards them- and discovered he couldn't move. He didn't have the time to ask her not to do anything.

Instinctively, Saya reached to her side for her sword and grasped nothing more than empty air. Her fist loosened, tightened, and opened once more. Raising her hand to punch Solomon, she swung as with all the strength she could muster. Taking a step to the side, he caught her swing and took her off balance.

Not only did he catch her hit, but he caught her as well.

Noses inches apart, Saya saw beyond the shaggy blonde bangs for just a fraction of a second. There were no warm ember eyes hiding behind the wavy hair. Just black pits, void of emotion. They widened when the beast realized Saya had seen its eyes, as a look of twisted, sick anger that did not belong to Solomon took over the stoic expression.

Saya was dropped to the floor.

'Solomon' began to fade before their eyes.

Saya felt her limbs, stiff with fear, relax too quickly. Her eyelids drooped and her tightly balled fists opened as she lost her consciousness again, the last thought in her mind about the time. _How much did they have left? _She barely had time to finish the mental sentence before her mind was blank once again.

"Saya!" Haji could move, so he realized. "Stay awake!" Too little time. _Way too little time._

"I can't take the form of a single human any more, boy. But she will still be mine in a few minutes if she continues to sleep." Haji looked to where the 'Solomon' had been standing moments before. He had disappeared entirely. "What are you? Why are you _here_?" Haji was beginning to understand. These weren't real people. **((AN: TOOK HIM FREAKIN' LONG ENOUGH))**

"I am nothing, and everything. I am your fear, and you are my plaything." The beast's reply echoed everywhere, ringing in Haji's ears. It was hard to understand its way of speaking- it hadn't even answered the whole question. Haji had no normal level of intelligence, but this wasn't something he had learned about. No one learned about true purgatory such as this, let alone the beasts who lurked in the pherephery of one's very vision here. This beast was the problem. It was in the way. Haji gently laid to the invisible floor Saya's softly breathing body.

He needed to get rid of the problem.

He was, after all, here to protect her, was he not? Which had to mean he could do something to protect her. He blinked, and his surroundings changed. People surrounded him- people he had hated, people he had loved, people he had seen die. His expression remained as stoic as ever as he clung to the thought it was an illusion, attempting to win over the strong, emotional thoughts that stabbed at him with every face he saw. He supressed the urge to tear some of them to shreds, to look them in the eye. Not a single body poscessed eyes. "They can't move;" The beast pointed out to a very anxious and defensive chevalier. "but you can't touch them anyhow. I know how you would love to rip to shreds those around you." The beast was wrong. He hated them all on different levels; some he would do no more to than give a cold glare. Others, however... some proved the beast's predictions true.

The beast stayed completely still. While its conscience could only inhabit one body at a time, if it moved, they all moved. He watched the boy, tense, stalk among the bodies as he waited for one to move. The beast had no intentions of moving. The boy was harder to read than the girl, muchh blurrier and vague- one of the advantages of the protector. The beast would have to rely somewhat on guesswork. The boy could only want to harm any of the bodies surrounding him, and while one's intentions were violent, one could not cause harm. But, should the boy touch one of the bodies, the game was lost; the beast would have to give in and let them decide in peace. The protector's job, little did the boy know, was to touch the beast. It wasn't giving any clues away.

Haji scanned the blank, empty faces. They might as well all have been dead on their feet, for as much as they moved and blinked. The worst part was the eyes... just pits. Black pits, dark and shadowy and frightening as the very cellars of Hell. He had the feeling he was being watched, ready to do... well... _something_ at the first sign of movement. He had to be able to do_ something_. He paused.

Haji glimpsed something that brang him to the brink of falling to his knees. She might have been his female twin, were it not for the eyes that had once been a warm ember. Her shining ebony hair remained tied back in a french braid with thin, almost flimsy-looking navy ribbons, not unlike the one he wore in his own hair. She had a melancholy expression spread across her pale, thin face. Haji took a step closer... before him stood his own mother. The beast had misread him again.

Yes, he _hated_ the fact that she had left him for nothing more than a loaf of bread.

But he never, ever _hated _her.

Another step. And another. The beast remained confident until the last second- it was soon too late to move. Haji reached out to touch his mother's cheek. He had forgotten the illusion, he had forgotten the beast, he had forgotten his mission. All he wanted was to touch her one more time. He wanted to feel her embrace him again, to let her tie his hair back once again, to smile at him like she had for no one else. He wanted his mother back. His fingers touched the soft skin of her cheek for less than a millisecond before she fell into nothingness beneath his fingertips, and an unearthly cry seemed to tear through the air like a jagged knife. His eyes opened noticably for the first time in a very long time.

And then it was silent.

Haji lowered his hand in quiet disappointment. Perhaps he would see her another time. Clearly... now was not that time. He took one deep breath, swallowing the emotions that now threatened to consume him. And with one last look at the empty space where she had stood, he took off towards Saya, a small crumpled heap in the middle of the emptiness. He reached her, falling to his knees as he lifted her limp body into a cradle. "Saya," He whispered, shaking her gently. "...Saya, wake up!" He waited. Her eyelids fluttered as a soft smile crossed her lips, she didn't even shift her breathing patterns. She remained as relaxed as though she were asleep. "Saya, you must decide soon- there is no t-" She pressed one finger to his lips, silencing his quiet worry. "It's alright, Haji." She took one deep, soft breath. "I know. I know what I need to do."

**OH GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THE MOST DIFFICULTY I'VE EVER HAD, WRITING ANYTHING. EVER. I got to the part where I'm getting rid of the God damn Solomon beast, and then I realize- I have no sweet clue how to get rid of him! So I acted like a BITCH FUCK and stopped writing, to see if I got any ideas. Nothing happened. Days passed. That turned into weeks. Weeks turned into MONTHS. And now, here I am. Finally, with a finished chapter. Do you know what it was that motivated me to finally get my ass in gear and finish the damn thing? I got maybe one sentence in last week before I thought: "I can't go on anymore! ARGH!" So, I decided I was going to post the pathetically short little thing to fanfic and beg you guys for help with how to get rid of the beast idea-wise, like a stray dog begs for food. But once I'd written the AN, I was absolutely furious with myself. Not only would that be letting myself down in terms of writing and creativity, I'd be letting you guys down as well! You all review and read, and I think I defenitely owe it to you guys not to ask you to do my work for me. So, with all my bullshit finally overwith, I sat down and actually thought about what to do. And I realized it didn't have to be Saya who defeated the beast. And so, here is the finished chapter, which I actually love the result of. ouo**

**And, of course, I hope you guys really like it too. :) **  
**And I hate to beg for reviews... but I need them. I freakin' thrive on them. Would you guys please, PLEASE review? Thank you! ^-^**

**PS- please excuse my extremely unnessacary language up there.**


	6. Awake

**Hello! It's no long chapter, but it's officially my fave! Hope you enjoy! ouo**

Saya rose without warning, and although Haji had his arms around her frail form to help her, she needed no assistance. Something had happened in her head inside those brief moments of unconsciousness, sprawled on the white emptiness. She had been trying too hard the whole time, trying to listen to her head rather than her heart. She knew now, what it was she had to do. She had only to do it.

She turned back to Haji, who was staring at her with his neutral green eyes and expressionless as ever, although she knew he was waiting for an answer. She could barely imagine what he could possible feel about this mess, about this whole, horrible, confusing, taunting ordeal. She gave him the best answer she could- wrapping her arms around his neck and gently pressing her lips to his. A single, pearlescent tear rolled down her cheek, and it fell to the space beneath them. Pulling away ever so slightly, she gave him a genuine smile for what she knew would be the last time in a very, very long time.

"Its time, Haji." Haji stepped back slowly, carefully, as though she were a house of cards that he could destroy with the slightest, very gentlest touch. The look he gave her was not one of happiness; it was hope. Hope that she would make what he knew was the right decision in the very recesses of his mind. Hope that she would never regret it. Hope, even, that he wouldn't see her for millenia. Saya had to keep sharing her beauty with the world; she wasn't finished yet. He knew she would be, someday. Just not today. Haji smiled back.

"Goodbye, Saya." She reached out to take his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers one last time. She squeezed it tightly, mentally keeping herself from throwing herself back into his arms. She knew she had to be strong, to be the warrior she knew was buried inside the dark parts of her heart somewhere. He squeezed back, and she let their hands slip apart.

She knew her smile was watery and shaky as she gave him one last look, pinching the bridge of her nose as she turned slowly away from him, head down. She had to pretend he wasn't there just to walk away, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, venturing into the unknown -and suddenly beautiful- white. And as she felt the drowsiness coming on, Saya smiled once more, ready to go back. She knew this was what she was meant to do. But when she collapsed to the ground, Saya made sure she glanced back in Haji's direction. Over her shoulder, she saw the shadow of him one last time.  
And then it was dark.

* * *

Saya's eyelids fluttered awake, her face pressed into the dusty, rocky ground. She could feel rough silt slipping up her nose as she breathed in and her nostrils burned, her wounds that covered her entire body assaulting her mind with an impossible intensity. She pushed it all away, lying there in the dirt with her face pressed to a jagged rock. An awareness of fabric on her fingertips crossed her mind, and her eyes widened slightly. The sword. _Her_ sword. Her grip tightened instantly on the solid wooden handle, and she drew the arm in. One by one, she brought in the rest of her limbs until she could push herself up off of her crimson, scraped knees.

"Hello, sleeping beauty. It's been a full half hour, you know." Nathan grinned hideously when she met his shining, beady eyes. They were alive with blood lust and yearning, absolutely the eyes of a murderer. She did not reply in words, but in actions. Straightening her back and lifting her head on what felt like a broken neck, Saya glared at him and raised her sword once more, holding back a slight smile.

Saya Otanashi was ready to fight.

**Well, folks, this is the end. And I must say, it's been awesome. I finished my first multi-chapter fic! That's big for me, I can hardly finish a oneshot! xD Thanks to everyone who faithfully reviewed every chapter, your reviews and opinions were greatly appreciated! And to anybody who reviews now... THANKS! YOU READ THE WHOLE BORING THING THROUGH! CONGRATS! And now, I'm off to finish Holed Up With That Bastard. :3**

**Have a lovely day/night! ^W^  
**


End file.
